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A light bulb went off - I ordered three of those for about $35 total with shipping, got a can of Krylon Chalkboard Paint from Michaels (with a 50% off coupon), and after some masking tape and spraying, I had 3 custom chalkboard handles for my keezer!!! This should also work with other handles that have a flat area that can be painted.
Now, I didn't think this completely through, and the handles are too big for the tower, but I made them work by turning them different directions. You can still read them just fine, and if I ever build that coffin keezer, they will work great.
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And a bit closer:
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BTW, the drip trays are magnetic, and I can position them any way I want to fit the tower... Repurposed coffee service 4-inch trays with flat rare earth magnets glued to the bottom if anyone is curious.