BeerBorg Beer Jokes...drink beer, tell joke

John Sand · Post by **John Sand** » Fri Jul 11, 2014 7:10 pm

That wasn't funny. It's just true. I need another beer.

mtsoxfan · Post by **mtsoxfan** » Fri Jul 11, 2014 7:25 pm

I was laughing the whole read... What else can you do when there is nothing you can do about it...
people say, let your vote be your voice. I may not always vote the best when viewed by a Monday morning QB, but I do vote in the best interest of the country. I learn, I chnage my vote if necesary, but nothing ever changes for the good...

And the Wales... now that was funny...

FrozenInTime · Post by **FrozenInTime** » Sun Jul 13, 2014 6:46 pm

Gun Control: It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods. When

I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,...

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos

running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical

shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to

how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer .

I still don't think I looked that bad

FrozenInTime · Post by **FrozenInTime** » Sun Jul 13, 2014 6:50 pm

GRANDMA'S BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

After working most of her life, Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes,they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these pills that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that; but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks...and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!!

Chuck N · Post by **Chuck N** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:44 am

FrozenInTime wrote:Gun Control: It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods. When

I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,...

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos

running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical

shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to

how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer .

I still don't think I looked that bad

I know how you feel, FIT. This last spring I shot my first turkey. Scared the shit out of the other shoppers in the Cub Foods meat department. They too have asked me to do my shopping elsewhere.

John Sand · Post by **John Sand** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:14 pm

You guys are pretty funny, I don't care what your wives say!

FrozenInTime · Post by **FrozenInTime** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:22 pm

When a gals gotta go, she goes:

Post by **Beer-lord** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 7:21 pm

There's this triple execution happening. Three people are to be executed
by guillotine: a lawyer, a soldier and an engineer.

The rules of the land specify that, if the guillotine fails in any way,
the death sentence is revoked and the miscreant goes free. Also, the
guilty are allowed to choose whether they die face-up or face-down.

The lawyer goes first. "I'm not a coward, but no way am I watching that
blade come down at me", he says, and he assumes the traditional
position, face-down.

With agonizing slowness, the blade is raised, poised...

.....and released.

The blade hurtles down to meet its destiny with the lawyer's neck but at
the very last second, it stalls. Stuck. Jammed tight. Immobile.

"I told you I was innocent!", says the lawyer to the crowd, and he
descends from the platform a free man.

"I'll take face-up", says the soldier, who's next in line. "I'm ready to
meet my fate".

And so he lies down, face up and watches as the blade ascends, pauses
and drops!

And it, too, stops just inches from the soldier's face. He too is set free.

The engineer is last. He's been watching the proceedings carefully and
decides to go face-up. "It worked for the soldier.", he explains.

Again the blade is raised, slowly, slowly, the engineer waiting, watching...

And just as the blade reaches the very top of the mechanism, just
seconds before its fatal drop, the engineer yells out:

"Wait! WAIT! Stop! I think I see the problem!"

RickS · Post by **RickS** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 7:24 pm

Just saw this on the idiot box:
http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7RVp/mr-sketch-s ... n-more-fun

Yankeedag · Post by **Yankeedag** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:56 am

Had to show that one to the Auzziechickypoo. She loves a good fart joke.

Yankeedag · Post by **Yankeedag** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:51 pm

I was driving through northern Illinois last night listening to a call-in program on WGN in Chicago. People were calling in all upset about the goat's head sent to Cubs owner Tom
Ricketts at Wrigley Field.
Some guy called in from Indiana and said, "Why are you all so upset cause someone sent a goat's head to Wrigley Field?
Aren't you the guys that sent a horse's ass to the White House".

The_Professor · Post by **The_Professor** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:09 pm

RickS wrote:Just saw this on the idiot box:
http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7RVp/mr-sketch-s ... n-more-fun

All they needed to do was have the marker say, "Go ahead, pull my cap".

RickS · Post by **RickS** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:13 pm

The_Professor wrote:
RickS wrote:Just saw this on the idiot box:
http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7RVp/mr-sketch-s ... n-more-fun
All they needed to do was have the marker say, "Go ahead, pull my cap".

Yankeedag · Post by **Yankeedag** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 8:40 pm

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Yankeedag · Post by **Yankeedag** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 8:41 pm

Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . . I'm telling everybody!'

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