BeerBorg Beer Jokes...drink beer, tell joke

[Chuck N]

Banjo Guys' post about his trip to Norway spurred me to remember this joke...

Ole was a janitor at the Lutheran church in Minneapolis Minnesota. Then when they got a new minister the minister set a policy that all employees of the church had to be able to read and write English.

Well poor Ole had emigrated to America when he was a young boy and had to go work as soon as he got here to help support the family so he never learned to read or write English. So Ole lost his job at the church.

He scraped enough money together and went to Seattle where he got a job at one of the canneries. After a few years he had saved enough money to buy his own fishing boat and went into the fishing business. Then a few years later he had a second boat and after several more years Ole owned a fleet of fishing boats. With this fleet of boats Ole made enough money to buy a cannery and Ole was becoming a very wealthy man.

Then he had an opportunity to buy a second cannery. But, despite his accumulated wealth, he didn't quite have enough cash to make the purchase and was forced to go to the bank to borrow the money.

The banker told Ole that, with his assets, he would have no problem getting the money. All he had to do was to sign some paper-work.

Ole told the banker that he had never learned to read or write English. The bank said, "That's incredible. Just where do you think you would have been by now if you could read and write English?"

Ole replied, "I'd be a @#$%&* janitor at a Lutheran church in Minneapolis Minnesota.

[Yankeedag]

[FrozenInTime]

ROFLMAO, good one!

[Chuck N]

A.jpg (70.12 KiB) Viewed 1486 times

What the heck were you thinking?

[FrozenInTime]

HOLY SOAP...YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE.


Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no
soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering
to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the
showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a
statue.


The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.


The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.

Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.


Now the third nun decides to have a go.

She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells...


"Holy Mary, Mother of God,
HAND LOTION TOO!"

[FrozenInTime]

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, But they know they are in

love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to

Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and

says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her

hand in marriage."



Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well

Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's

room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not

old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a

week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that

should do us just fine."



Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce,

It seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more

question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of

your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."



Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

[FrozenInTime]

I Was Confused!!~ Not Anymore
I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:
1. Internal Revenue "Service"

2. U.S. Postal "Service".

3. Telephone "Service".

4. Cable T.V. "Service".

5. Civil "Service".

6, State, City, County & Public "Service".

7. Customer "Service".

This is not what I thought "Service" meant.

But today, I overheard two 2 farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "Service" a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus. "Now I understand what all those agencies are doing".

[The_Professor]

...HAND LOTION TOO!"

The version of this that I have heard has some poor guy holding 2 packs of cigarettes. Yeah, it's an old version...

[Chuck N]

Something said in the "I'm Now a Father" thread made me remember this. It is supposedly a true story but I'm thinking it might be one of those "too good to be true" stories. Anyway, if there is an appropriate place for for this thread is probably the place.

A very soon mother to be was in the delivery room in the throes of giving birth. Her boy friend and father of the soon to born child was dutifully at her side coaching her. During one of the more painful contractions she grabbed her boy friend by the shirt collar and screamed, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I @#$%ING HATE YOU!"

The boyfriend patiently waited for the contraction to subside and then calmly said, "If you'll remember correctly, the night that this happened I wanted to put "it" in your butt. But you thought that would hurt too much."

[Dawg LB Steve]

F.I.T. your on fire!

[Chuck N]

The Washington Red Skins have agreed that their name is offensive and an embarrassment and have decided to drop the "Washington" part from it.

[The_Professor]

The Washington Red Skins have agreed that their name is offensive and an embarrassment and have decided to drop the "Washington" part from it.

It's just as well that they haven't announced that they understand some folks have reservations about their name but they don't like the current hatchet job in the media. You know there's a term for their name being approved for so many years and then taken away...

[Chuck N]

The Washington Red Skins have agreed that their name is offensive and an embarrassment and have decided to drop the "Washington" part from it.

It's just as well that they haven't announced that they understand some folks have reservations about their name but they don't like the current hatchet job in the media. You know there's a term for their name being approved for so many years and then taken away...

I don't believe that the Native Americans ever "approved" of the name. It's just that 50+ years ago they didn't have the financial or political clout nor the public opinion to do anything about it.

[Chuck N]

Now here comes the Adrian Peterson jokes...

It is being reported that the Minnesota Twins might be interested in Adrian Peterson if his NFL career is done for. Everyone knows that the Twins are desperate for a good switch hitter.



It's not too soon, is it?

[The_Professor]

Now here comes the Adrian Peterson jokes...

It is being reported that the Minnesota Twins might be interested in Adrian Peterson if his NFL career is done for. Everyone knows that the Twins are desperate for a good switch hitter.



It's not too soon, is it?

Nike suspends contract with Adrian Peterson. Maybe they'll suspend the contract they have with the children that work in their sweat shops.