Beer snob reviews make me laugh

[swenocha]

So, I got a few bottles of Yazoo's latest funky beer, a rye Saison with multiple strains of Brettanomyces aged in heavy toast Sauvignon Blanc barrels. I wanted to see what the buzz was on the beer so far, so I went over to BA. After not finding any reviews there yet, I popped over to RateBeer and came across this review (this reviewer has nearly 6000 reviews on that site):

Pours a hazy dulled golden hue, gentle orange, darker body with frothy thicker offwhite head atop. Good stick around and lacing. Aromas are a bit puncy, green grape, touches of melon and apple meet bread, straw, gentle oak. Some cobwebs, gentle pineapple grows. Initial is lighter end of medium bodied, some nice fruity jabs of pineapple, pear and subtle bready malts. Some straw, bread dough and gentle spiciness. A bit more funky and cool into the back, some white grape, wine and mellow basement dustiness, cobwebs. Finish is a bit lemony, touch of yogurt and creaminess. Tasty, wild, the firmer toast oak doesn’t come in as much as I expected. Just a gentle rye malt slant with touches of fruity white wine, bread dough, and funk.

I tend to think I have a decent, but not great, pallate for beer tasting, but I'm not sure I could ever pick up these many things from a taste of beer. That beer must have a lot going on to have that many distinct flavors. And what the hell is cobweb flavor?!? The cobwebs are apparently so evident that he mentioned them twice. And don't get me started on that 'mellow basement dustiness'... FWIW, this was a moderately good review from this guy... 14/20, resulting in a 3.4.

Some of these beer reviewers just make me giggle...

[mashani]

I can't say I've ever tasted a cob web nor do I know what basement dustiness tastes like LOL.

But honestly, I might call some funky beer "musty" or "funky" or "hay" even use the term "sweaty horse blanket" because I know exactly what people mean by that and it's accurate - those are honest taste perceptions.

I would describe the Brett C beers I've made to be pineapple and hay like, those are honest taste perceptions and those flavors are really there with Brett C beers. The "sweaty horse blanket" kicks in with other Brett strains, drink an old bottle of Orval Trappist and you can see what that is, and if you've ever pulled the blanket from under a horses saddle after a ride, it does make sense to call it that.

[Inkleg]

What, not even a hint of Cowbell or Cat Butt? I thought your friends at Yazoo were supposed brew good beer.

[Beer-lord]

Could cobwebs be describing the lacing and not the flavor? Doesn't sound like that too me. Maybe he's just full of it.

[Kealia]

Yeah, I have to say that I think *most* reviews fall into one of two categories for me:
1) All sounding the same (i.e., great flora/citrus aroma with a good malt backbone), OR
2) Like the one above!

It reminds me of this, which I can't remember if I posted before or not:

[Inkleg]

He goes by Billy Klubb and he has quite a few funny videos on his You Tube channel. Watch this one to the end.

[FrozenInTime]

Is that guy for real??

[Kealia]

He is a real home brewer, yes. But he's poking fun at some reviews that have been circulated lately.

[FedoraDave]

This reminds me of the story Groucho told about the New York theater reviewer who was sent to Europe as a correspondent during WWI. Someone responded, "You can't send him to cover the war! What if he doesn't like it?"

[Beer-lord]

I think I suck as a beer reviewer. I really try to stay objective and I always put myself on the bottom of the "I know more than you" totem pole.
I watch way more youtube reviews than I care to admit but I've learned from some of them.

[jimjohson]

I'm like Beer-lord, in that I would suck as a reviewer. 'Cause I actually hate dry hopping. All I can taste is grass! Different flavored grass? Granted, even so, it's still just grass.

[BlackDuck]

Holy cow Jeff...that second one you posted is FUNNY!! I just about spit out my coffee!!!

[John Sand]

Funny stuff. I'd heard of Billy's videos, but these were the first I've watched.