Need to vent a little

truckndad · Post by **truckndad** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:21 pm

Mom in law's been in bad shape and getting worse. Her mind is fading on us. Hell, the other day she couldn't remember if she ate dinner or not, so she decided not to take her evening meds. She spent a few days in the hospital last month with a urinary tract infection and that only made matters worse. Her doctor suggested we start looking for a home for her and in the meantime keep a closer eye on her. So my wife and her siblings have been going by or calling. She can't count money anymore, so we won't let her go shopping. My wife comes home from her visits just so stressed and upset. Nothing I can do but just be there.

We've been looking around at homes, but they're going for at least four grand a month. Sure, medicare will help, but not until the doctor says it has to happen. And he won't do that until he gets results from neurology. And they are booked up for two months, so her appointment isn't even until the end of April.

I haven't seen my wife or any of her siblings put anything about this on Facebook, so I sure as heck wasn't going to put it out there first. And I really just needed to get a little bit of this off my chest. Thanks guys.

Post by **Beer-lord** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:25 pm

Wow, what a stressful and sad situation. Nothing I can say will help but it's great you feel posting here helps. Feel free to continue de-stressing here and I'll add my prayers and thoughts to you and your family.

Yankeedag · Post by **Yankeedag** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:39 pm

Doesn't sound like a good situation. My wife's Mother had to be put in a home... after she had a stroke. She wasn't taking her meds correctly.
A friend of ours lost his wife because she started loosing her mental abilities, and wound up taking more of her pills than she was suppose to.
So, yeah, it's hard on everyone concerned. Best of luck getting through it all.

Gymrat · Post by **Gymrat** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:46 pm

I am truly sorry to hear this.

berryman · Post by **berryman** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:55 pm

No problem venting on here, you are amongst friends. I know where you are coming from, My Mom was a very sharp business person in her day. But now at 82 I have to help her on some of her money decisions as she always helped me in my younger years. Another 25 years I will most likely be just like her at her age, My Grandmother was the same way. Just keep your chin up and help the best you can. And feel free to vent on here if we can help.

RickBeer · Post by **RickBeer** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 7:24 pm

Similar issues here. Medicare isn't going to pay for Assisted Living, they only pay anything if nursing care is required, and then there is a limit. We had several stints for both in-laws in rehab facilities after hospitalizations, but once they plateau it's back out the door.

$150 a day for assisted living is an middle rate, some are higher, few lower. We have one in assisted living, the other in an independent apartment with meals, because if they are together then they have problems (dialing 911 for an ambulance for no reason, sharing meds, etc.). Not a fun place to be mentally, very stressful.

FedoraDave · Post by **FedoraDave** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 8:47 pm

That's definitely a stressful situation. It's got to be rough going through this. Feel free to vent here. No judgments, just support.

DaYooper · Post by **DaYooper** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:17 pm

Keep the faith, and remember that in times of stress, a nice homebrew can at least give you a few minutes of calm

Brewbirds · Post by **Brewbirds** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 12:49 pm

Went through that with my grandmother a few years back so I feel your pain.

The only thing that might help relive some stress that I can think of is to try and find a support group so it doesn't seem like they are going it alone.

docpd · Post by **docpd** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:39 pm

I know this is very tough, having gone through this same process with both of my parents before they died. Assisted living is what it sounds like your mother needs. It is not covered by medicare but is considerably cheaper than a nursing home. In my area, an efficiency can be had for $2500 per month. When you consider that meals and transportation are usually included, this is not too bad considering your mother will be in a safe environment. You might check with your local council on aging. They can many times help with the overall process.

RickBeer · Post by **RickBeer** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 6:42 am

$2,500 a month doesn't include any "assistance" around here, just meals and making bed and weekly maid service. Assistance can cost another $2,000 for a full assistance package (help with everything), I. E. $4,500 per month. To Docpd's point, a nursing home can be twice that.

Banjo-guy · Post by **Banjo-guy** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:37 am

It's such a sad situation when you have to go bankrupt before any real assistance comes into play. My father had long term care insurance that he privately paid for. It covered less than 40% of his care. 10 years ago it was 6000.00 per month.
It doesn't take long to go through your entire estate at that rate.

When you look around at the patients in a nursing home most of them are staying there on Medicare's (or us it Medicaid's? ) dime after going through their own money.
It would be much more cost effective if Medicare paid for at home nursing care which most people prefer. Trying to change the entrenched special interest payment system is probably impossible.

RickBeer · Post by **RickBeer** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:48 am

Many are in nursing homes on Medicaid. Medicare will pay for skilled nursing care, AFTER a hospitalization, for up to 100 days. That includes a rehabilitation facility.

Medicare will pay for hospice or home health care under certain conditions.

Basically, Medicare pays if they expect improvement. If you level off, then they discharge you. Medicare also pays for care if you have a terminal illness and are not expected to live more than six months.

Medicaid basically kicks in when the assets are all gone. Veterans can get some assistance when they are down to their last $80,000, but they cannot apply until they hit that number AND it can take many, many months to be approved.

Few seniors plan appropriately for their future. Many, like my in-laws, did no planning. Never scoped out facilities, never planned for when they couldn't drive, never modified their home to make it easier as they aged, never tried to protect their assets.

FYI, Medicaid looks back FIVE years on assets, so if you want to protect them they need to be gone before that window hits you. Of course, then there is the struggle about who should pay for elder care, if they can afford it - the senior citizen or the taxpayer? Should you be allowed to give your home to your children, and gift away your money so that Medicaid will house you in a facility that you probably feel is substandard and you don't like - or should you accept responsibility and use the assets you've saved over your career to pay for your own care until you are unable?

jimjohson · Post by **jimjohson** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:26 am

RickBeer wrote: Veterans can get some assistance when they are down to their last $80,000
-or should you accept responsibility and use the assets you've saved over your career to pay for your own care until you are unable?

$80,000?? lol hell, I ain't got $80,000 now. so I could apply from the start, right?

And, in the end, still end up "in a facility that you probably feel is substandard and you don't like". why not just cut to the chase? that way you can afford a few amenities to help with life in the "substandard" place.

RickBeer · Post by **RickBeer** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 10:25 am

$80k excludes the home and vehicle, and your income must be less than $25,448 (with one dependent). SSI is not included in income.

You can get benefits if you require the aid of another person to perform an everyday action, such as bathing, feeding, dressing, or going to the bathroom. This includes individuals who are bedridden, blind, or residing in a nursing home.

They basically take your income and subtract it from the number above and give you that.
http://www.elderlawanswers.com/long-ter ... ouses-6158