Family member's alcoholism

[Banjo-guy]

I have to stop brewing for the foreseeable future because a member of my family has returned home and is struggling with alchohol abuse.
I'm trying to be a little vague for privacy reasons.

This person is really trying hard to get control of their life by going to AA meetings every night and is in a substance abuse program.

I just feel that I would sending the wrong message if I continue to brew.

This is a disappointment for me because I love my new hobby and feel like I am just starting to make decent beer.

I'll be lurking on the Borg so you won't see many posts from me. Hopefully I'll be back and more importantly I am praying this person will continue to be strong.
Thanks for all your great advice and brewing knowledge.

[jpsherman]

Good luck man. It will take a lot of strength to help them, and it seems you are up to the cause.

I wish you and your family the best!

[brewin bull]

I understand how you feel, but I have to say a couple things.

You can brew to your hearts desire and this should have no affect on your family members sobriety if they are truly serious about helping themselves.

I do have a bit of experience in this as I have been through a number of programs and have had a number of family members though programs also. The last thing I EVER wanted and anyone I knew that was serious about helping themselves was for anyone to change what they do for "my" issues. As any addict that truly faces the issue, it is there issue NOT anyone else. Yes they need support and help but that support does not mean you stopping what you enjoy.

[Beer-lord]

All the best with this challenge. You do what you have to do to make things work.
And, stick around here and enjoy the discussions and keep up with what's going on. We need contributions from everyone and your input is important to us.

[rickbray66]

Banjo-guy,

One option you could look into is brewing up some non-alcoholic brews. I did this just a few weeks ago and it turned really well. My mom loved it.

http://byo.com/stories/item/263-brew-a- ... holic-beer


Rick

[duff]

I feel for you and wish the best for you and your family member Banjo-guy.

I have watched 2 friends wives battle with alcoholism and I was astonished by the stuff that occured. One was so bad they cuoldn't keep flavorings such as vanilla or mint in the house because she would mix them all together and and drink it. The places they would hide their stash or the results was mind boggling.

I will also state that I have never seen someone go through AA and not still come out an addict. Sure they are now addicted to cigerettes, coffee, and religion but it doesn't seem like they deal with the core issues of the addiction. I understand thatwhat I have seen is anecdotal and not data but the studies I have seen always have AA/NA/12 Step programs in least effective section of the results. If the program is working for your family member than by all means they should keep doing it.

And finally I look forward to when you announce that you are back brewing because your family member is in a better condition.

[teutonic terror]

Banjo, I wish your family member the best of luck and they are in my prayers.
I understand the difficulty.

I wish i had some great advice, but all I can say is all of the addiction problems I've faced in the past, I've not solved any until I was resolved to solve them.
For me it was mind set. If it wasn't there I could pay lip service to it all I wanted and things wouldn't change for long!
From your description it sounds as if they are in that positive mindset at the moment!

Look forward to a positive report soon.

[pspearing]

Sorry to hear that. I hope your relative is able to stop drinking and do it without disrupting the rest of the family. I also hope you are able to get back to pursuing your hobby. The responsibility lies with the alcoholic, but many of them try to impose guilt on everybody around them. You can't fix everything, and living your own life in a responsible manner doesn't mean you're not allowed any fun.

That's just my non-humble opinion, and I'm old, cynical, and tired of seeing people continually cycling through the courts, rehab and jail without ever changing the things that get them in trouble.

[FedoraDave]

That's a difficult situation, and I wish you and your family the best. Stay strong for this individual; be supportive. But be strong for yourself, too.

I can understand Brewing Bull's position, too. I agree that you shouldn't have to alter your lifestyle to accommodate someone else, but I'm also not in your situation and attuned to all the subtleties and nuances involved, so an overarching statement wouldn't be appropriate. In short, do what you feel is best, and if it inconveniences you but helps the person struggling, then know you've done the right thing.

And don't just lurk around here; contribute! Continue your learning via research and let the practical application occur later.

Take care of yourself, and take care of your family. In the long run, beer is not important next to the health and well-being of our loved ones.

[gwcr]

Sorry to hear that Banjo-guy. Best of luck to your family member. The love and support they receive from you and others will go a long way to helping them recover. As others have said, please continue to stick around and contribute to the board if you can. The experiences of this community can be helpful beyond just brewing.

[Banjo-guy]

Thanks for your responses.

I've learned a lot about addition in the last 8 years. I know that this is not my problem to solve. Only the addict can change, I've also learned not to make moral judgements about an addict's character.
It is at its core a mental health problem. I also don't believe anyone is ever " cured ". It's an ongoing lifelong struggle.

AA has been really helpful and supportive. My family member seems to be very committed to recovery this time but relapse is common. I've heard that it can take many attempts before someone is able to deal with their addiction.

I understand the statements that I shouldn't have to change my lifestyle to accommodate the addict but I think this is a particularly fragile time and coming home to 150 bottles if beer us too much of a trigger right now.

To be successful my relative will have to learn to deal with a society where drinking socially is the norm.

It's really helpful to get feedback from the Borg members . Thank you.

[RickBeer]

Sounds like you have it well thought out. One thing I learned watching my wife's family deal with uncles that had the problem is that excusing it away and making it pretty don't work. Alcoholics can't drink anything - not "just a glass". I watched that happen time after time where they'd let them have some and then wonder why it went awry. And to your point, they are never cured. They can't drink EVER.

[jimjohson]

Good luck Banjo-guy, your probably doing the right thing. You can't make 'em quit, where there's a will there's a drink. I fought that fight with my mother and lost, she died of alcohol induced cirrhosis of the liver in '78. Also they'll use any excuse to start back. It's all on them, all you can do is weather the storm with 'em. RickBeer is right, they can never ever drink again not even a sip.

[Gymrat]

As far as changing your lifestyle to accommodate. I think you are doing the right thing. Yes it is "on them" to quite. But two anecdotes come to mind.

1. In the old west an alcoholic gave up drinking and decided to go back to church. Oddly enough it was whenever he went to church that he would fall back into his old ways. One day he decided to talk to the pastor about it. The pastor walked out with him and said "where is your horse?" The man pointed to a horse tied to a hitching post in front of the tavern. The pastor told the man "you need to find another hitching post".

The other was about a fat woman who stopped at the bakery on the way home and bought a chocolate eclair. When she got home she put it in the refrigerator and prayed for the strength not to eat it.

In other words, no matter how sincere the alcoholic's efforts to quit are, they need to be away from the temptation, at least for a while. Because the attraction is so strong. After they have been dry for a while, they gain strength and even pride in their sobriety, at that point they can still never take a drink, but they are often capable of being around the stuff without falling.

Just remember from the Bible. When the pharaoh's wife came on to Joseph. He didn't hang around trusting in his strength to resist. He fled leaving his cloak in her hand.

[DaYooper]

Banjo-guy,

One option you could look into is brewing up some non-alcoholic brews. I did this just a few weeks ago and it turned really well. My mom loved it.

http://byo.com/stories/item/263-brew-a- ... holic-beer


Rick

That is brilliant! I have a friend who is coming home from China who is a non-drinking alcoholic (as according to him, you will always be an alcoholic). He has told me many times that the only thing he really misses is a good beer but knows that will throw him right back with the devils. I am going to have to try this. It took him awhile but he has absolutely no problems with people drinking in front of him although he had to be creative in China as it is an insult if you do not drink with the host.