BeerBorg

Well then, maybe the guy had really nice armpits!
Honey!!

Sorry, still doesn't work for me. Even if the armpits smelled and tasted of hops, I have to bow out.

Some of the under-arm deodorants they're coming out with these days smell a lot like candy...

...But, still, it's just WRONG!

I have found my wife's toes are connected to her erogenous zones, just saying.

Inkleg wrote:I have found my wife's toes are connected to her erogenous zones, just saying.

Trying to see how that ties at all to the discussion, and then gave up.

I was going to say, "Yup, Inkleg, I found that out too." Bah dah bump.

Rick, because some people enjoy having their toes licked. So maybe the armpit guys are good friends. At least not strangers, I hope. My wife's toes are also very sensitive. She gets a real thrill from buying shoes!

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

I told that one to a cop friend of mine and he's still laughing about it. Here's another one he liked:



A Minnesota Highway patrolman pulls over a car with North Dakota license plates on it. He walks up to the driver's window and indicates to the driver to roll down his window. The driver does so and asks the Officer what the problem is. The Officer responds by smashing the driver in the face with his billy club.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" the driver screams.

"This is Minnesota, boy." the Officer says. "When you get pulled over by a Minnesota State Trooper you have you license out for the Officer BEFORE he gets the the window. Do you understand?"

The North Dakotan says he understands and hands the nice Trooper his driver's license. The Trooper takes the license back to his squad and runs it. After a few minutes he returns to the driver's window, hands him his license and tells him it's clean and to slow down while he's in Minnesota. The Officer then walks around the car to the passenger's window and indicates for the passenger to roll down his window. When he does the Trooper smashes him in the face with his billy club.

"WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" the passenger cries.

"I'm just making your wish come true." the Trooper tells him.

"What f***ing wish could that possibly be?" asks the passenger.

The Trooper says, "I know that ten miles down the road you're going to turn to your buddy and say, "I wish that asshole would've tried that with me.""

Then my other favorite cop joke bears repeating:
How many cops does it take to throw a suspect down a flight of stairs?
.
.
,
,
None, he fell.

A couple of weeks ago I walked into the Social Security Office and filled out my SS application. I was too old to have a birth certificate, I was asked to prove I was old enough. I opened up my shirt and showed them the gray hair on my chest and they accepted that as proof. I went home to my wife, shows her the check they issued me, and explained to her what had happened. She replied, "Well get your arse back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

harrumph

maybe the disability comes from her cutting tongue.

When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.

At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.

Two scientists, Frederick Alexander and Heinrich Szraag, recently made an astonishing discovery.

There is a region in outer space, circling the Earth, much like the asteroid belt, wherein the constraints of time do not exist. Light can actually move both faster and slower than the acknowledged speed of light, and meteors passing through it have been observed to enter a state that can only be described as suspended animation.

This region has been named the Alexander-Szraag Time Band.

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, in their own language, when he realizes that the one thing he never really taught them much was how to speak English.


So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

The chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly says, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

And the chief replied, "My bike."