BeerBorg

Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.





'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards.'

Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing . . . ? You've been studying our marriage certificate for quite some time.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy:It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl:Well that's because we aren't married yet.

The Texas Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

GOVT AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won !!

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the next race,
and it won that race too.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S
ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!

The Bishop fainted .

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey as soon as possible.

So she sold it to a local farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN
SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey, and take it to the plains
where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is .. .. . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery,
even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and live longer!

Have a nice day and laugh

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Sorry y'all, that's the best I have lately. I have been busy acting like a lumberjack and baby sitting.

Personally, I like #10.

I don't always drink to forget. ~Don't judge me.

Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.


He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."