BeerBorg

[youtube]v=OOgd9hitEAE[/youtube]

[youtube]v=OOgd9hitEAE[/youtube]

To hell with it I'm to dumb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE

Here ya go:

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began – 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

The_Professor wrote:

Chuck N wrote:Now here comes the Adrian Peterson jokes...

It is being reported that the Minnesota Twins might be interested in Adrian Peterson if his NFL career is done for. Everyone knows that the Twins are desperate for a good switch hitter.



It's not too soon, is it?

Nike suspends contract with Adrian Peterson. Maybe they'll suspend the contract they have with the children that work in their sweat shops.

Very good point.

The $50 Lesson

· Recently, while I was working in the in the front yard, my
neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from a walk with their
8 year old daughter.

· During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl
what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be
President someday.

· Both of her parents, Democratic Party members were standing
there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first
thing you would do?"

· She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

· Her parents beamed with pride!

· "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to
wait until you're President to do that!" I told her.

· "What do you mean?" she replied.

· So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the
lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you
can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and
you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

· She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me
straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over
and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

· I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

· Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

Hunting, Washington DC style:

Democratic Convention held in Kalifornia

Look at all those democrats with their republicans sticking up in the air!

A maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well Senora, there are three reasons I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than I?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

She got her raise.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. Until one day....

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened the box he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.
"when we were to be married, 'she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crocet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. he almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

'oh,' she said, 'that's the money i made form selling the dolls.'

I'm crying foul on these last two jokes - and putting in place the REPEAT JOKE PENALTY.

I know both were on here before, although with search I cannot find them. Odd, since the only place I see bad jokes is this forum, and both of these I remember. No idea why they don't come up.


REPEAT JOKE VIOLATION!

RickBeer wrote:I'm crying foul on these last two jokes - and putting in place the REPEAT JOKE PENALTY.

I know both were on here before, although with search I cannot find them. Odd, since the only place I see bad jokes is this forum, and both of these I remember. No idea why they don't come up.


REPEAT JOKE VIOLATION!

OK OK.... I HAVE A NEW ONE FOR YOU RICKBEER!

Knock knock.....
Whoe's there?
Repeated Joke...
Repeated Joke who?

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. Until one day....

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened the box he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.
"when we were to be married, 'she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crocet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. he almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

'oh,' she said, 'that's the money i made form selling the dolls.'