BeerBorg

>Inkleg clicks "like" button on the last post.<

RickBeer wrote:I'm crying foul on these last two jokes - and putting in place the REPEAT JOKE PENALTY.

I know both were on here before, although with search I cannot find them. Odd, since the only place I see bad jokes is this forum, and both of these I remember. No idea why they don't come up.


REPEAT JOKE VIOLATION!

You sure you just didn't see them on Face Book like I did?... or get it in an Email?

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Steve.

I don't get jokes in emails, nor do I click on links in emails... I also barely use Facebook, only for a local group that really necessitates it.

No, I know when someone repeats a joke, there is one big offender here that I won't name but lives in a cold climate...

RickBeer wrote:I don't get jokes in emails, nor do I click on links in emails... I also barely use Facebook, only for a local group that really necessitates it.

No, I know when someone repeats a joke, there is one big offender here that I won't name but lives in a cold climate...

so, when it dries up, is it hard to pull that old stick out?

Just consider the source... LOL To make the ... guy ... happy, I will never post another joke, new or old. Y'all can thank him, for he is almighty and a legend in his own mind.

I didn't say they weren't funny FIT. Sometimes even the second time.

Here's a probable repeat that's funny every time you (re)read it...Oh. And I'm assuming we're all adults here...



The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my dick to my the back of my balls."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant Major to drop 'em, which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Sergeant Major calmly replied, "Vietnam."

Removing snow, the MN way:

http://media.giphy.com/media/Qyrja9VbIgOre/giphy.gif

Didn't take him long.

Phhhhht! Obviously, the guy ain't married.

ANY complaints, u know who, and this will be THE last one.....
YES, this is an oldie.


A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and
things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young
to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on
earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me
feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate
woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up
in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel
eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt
as he went, one button at a time.

No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped...

Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer'

So some friends of mine convinced me to go out to a bar with them. Normally I wouldn't mind at all but this bar has a DJ at it and I don't like dancing. But we got to the bar and we had a few drinks and I was starting to feel pretty good when the DJ played "Jump". And, without even realizing, there I was; out there on the dance floor along with every one else jumping up and down and having a good time. Then, a few more drinks later the DJ played "The Twist". And, by golly, I was out there on the dance floor being a twisting fool, having a GREAT time and loving it. Then we had some more drinks and the DJ played "Come On Eileen" and...Well...That's when they threw me out of the bar.