BeerBorg

ok, the little bit I've looked around, I didn't see a joke section. Where the heck is Time Traveler suppose to post his uh, jokes

Not a joke really, but I kind of giggle when I see the "newbie" label under Yankeedag...

Hi DAG, I thought I saw a post from you buried in another thread. Glad we have the head of the family on board.

I think content will start filling in soon but I can't hardly keep up with the Assimilation section.

I believe that in the forum rules Louie talked about standards, and the joke section may not meet those. Not language standards, quality...

gwcr wrote:Not a joke really, but I kind of giggle when I see the "newbie" label under Yankeedag...

And now the title has been bestowed on the little green guy!! Much better!!!

Well, lets try some non-threatening puns.

The movie about the mobile home was advertised with a trailer.

The wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, but he needed more proof.

Glad to see the thread. The jokes were a favorite in a prior life at that other place. Let the belly laughs resume.

Thanks T2... they're sick, but I've become addicted to them.

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

This isn't a joke, more of a personal story:

Recently, for the love of beer, I went on a 2 month trip across the country sampling different breweries.
It's long been a passion of mine, and I had an awesome time.
I went with 2 friends, we traveled round the country sampling beers, sleeping in our van to save money for more beers.
One night we came across a transient, he offered to teach us the secret to life for some beer...Intrigued we handed him over a Pliny the Elder.
He leaned in real close after that, and with barely a whisper said:....
Well crap I forget, I was pretty drunk at the time though.
Anyways, our journey continued for some length until we broke down one night in the middle of a country road near in Missouri.
Well, as luck would have it one of our friends is an auto mechanic. So as he toiled away, my and my other friend supervised while drinking.
We were back on the road in a few hours.
All in all the trip was a great success, that is, until I got home.
I had come to realize my dog, who I left in the care of a supposed good friend, was completely malnourished.
I mean, he hadn't had a bite in weeks.....

should have just said "I mean, he hadn't had a bite in weeks....

Yankeedag wrote:should have just said "I mean, he hadn't had a bite in weeks....

Oh yeah, lol, has a better flow.

Beer ... Jokes.. I like to help

In the days of old, when Genghis Khan's men were running over Asia, they set their sights on further shores. Rather than 'huns', these warriors were known as Khan's men, or simply, Khans. When they had conquered all the way to the water's edge, they build boats, gathered their loot, and bravely went to sea. By a sad twist of fate, they encountered an island of lepers, which resulted in most of the crew being infected. Hastily leaving that island, they set sail again, but by the time they reached Ireland, there wasn't much left of them. Disembarking on stubby limbs, they set forth, but were soon set upon by the natives for the riches they carried.

Rotted away, but still clever, they hid on the island and awaited rescue, and the locals never did get their hands on the treasure.

And that's how the story of the little people got started in Ireland - the leper Khan's and their pots of gold.

Cunning though diseased, the Khans were never fooled by those who tried to trick them out of their pots of gold by swapping them for an empty pot - thus the saying: "You cannot change a leper's pots".

Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replies.
"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy says. "Then what are you?" the reporter says.
"I'm a Cowboys fan!!!"
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."